90 Days and Counting....

The Pendinale in Shkoder, Albania

One of the things I have been most impressed with concerning the logistical aspects of Peace Corps is how every detail is covered, from beginning to end. In an age when US government policies and procedures are being decried and dismantled, and living in a country for two years where there are neither infrastructure, enforced laws or planning, I will forever embrace red tape. 

Part of a 50+ year institution, particularly in America, provides ample time to reflect on best practices. The Peace Corps Close of Service Conference is part of this experience. This year, we had the option to choose from several locations, and my group, A 20, chose to go to Shkoder, one of Albania’s largest cities in the North West aspect of the nation.

I was expecting Shkoder to me in a mountainous region, and was very surprised it was in flatlands. The Albanians call the region the “Mbishkodra Plains,” and the city lies between the lake of the same name and the Albanian Alps. It was founded by ancient tribes of the elusive Illyrian people (elusive to me at least, as I try to find out more regarding these ancient people, I am told, pre-date the Greeks) and was made into an Archdiocese by the Macedonian Byzantine Emperor Justinian in the 6^th Century. Shkoder has a definite Italian feel, and boasts an ancient castle.

Getting anywhere in Albania without a car is not for the faint of heart, lack of a formal transportation network, schedules and poor roads make what should be short journeys into large detours to get to most destinations. Peace Corps Volunteers have been on a daily “protest” safety and security alert since December 2018. Days before our conference, we were told to beware of scheduled protests in the capitol Tirana. Antonio my site mate, and I were trying to figure out how to get to Shkoder and bypass Tirana, which is actually the hub for all transportation networks in the nation. Luckily, Antonio’s counterpart was traveling to Tirana early on the day we were supposed to go to our conference, so we could hitch a ride, save a bit on transportation and skip the protest danger.

It was a beautiful dawn excursion through the newly improved back roads to Tirana, traversing through olive and tangerine groves, herds of turkeys and sheep and really pretty homes dotted throughout the farmland. While we are cautioned to not talk politics with the locals, I was curious what our driver thought of the protests. For over an hour, he told me his perspective, and it seems that the people actually have good cause to be upset. I was glad we would be arriving hours before the scheduled unrest. (Which is ironic actually, since schedules are really not what I would call an Albanian forte or cultural value, but they seem to really shine when it comes to scheduling protests.)  As I rarely get to Tirana, mainly because I truly hate the entire travel thing here in Albania and I really like my site, I am endlessly confused and lost in the capitol. I depended totally on Antonio to get us to the “North” bus stop, and we arrived just as the 9 am Shkoder bus was starting to rev up it’s engines.

Antonio slept on the bus, while I reviewed vocabulary for my last language proficiency interview. When we arrived, I actually could not believe this sprawling metropolis was our destination. Luckily the bus dropped us off across the street from our hotel. We checked in and I was so happy to learn that my roommate was a fellow “older” volunteer from Napa, California. We had to check in with our medical officer who was performing TB tests that day and passing out stool testing kits, and then I went off to my language interview, which I think should have been relabeled for my performance.

I have struggled with the language here the entire time I have been in Albania. My older brain seems not to have many open synapses for new things, and living in Berat where most everyone speaks English, I have not had the opportunity to really practice. If there is one failure I will cop to, it is not mastering the language, and it is one great regret of my service, as I feel many doors to the nature and wonder of this culture and history have been closed because of it. My roommate Karen and I were part of the “low level” group at our language refresher the year before. We marveled at the youngins' who were teaching language classes on verb declensions and the elusive clitics. I was getting a bit more able to converse last Summer, but still no one seemed to understand my simplest of sentences. 

Once while communicating with a group of teachers, one of my students who speaks fluent English remarked with true astonishment, “You speak Albanian? You sound like a Serb!” I finally understood why no one understands me when I order a vegetarian suflatch sandwich at local fast food restaurants. Apparently my Macedonian heritage and Bulgarian language studies have given me a Slavic accent. What also escapes me completely, is verbs, I want to put Bulgarian and German endings on Albanian roots, and darn if it doesn’t pass muster.

I completely failed my last language interview, I could not recall the words I was just reviewing for my interview, I simply could not sustain any sort of meaningful conversation. I am not sure what happened really, but if I drank, I would have started right after that interview, feeling like a complete failure at life in general because of it. I felt badly that all the effort that was put into our training resulted in my not really being able to convey any interesting information with the proper verb tense of “to be.” Karen, being much more brave and self assured than I, simply refused to do the interview during her appointment. I am glad the young volunteers were able to give coherent conversations so the language staff can know their work actually had positive results.

What followed in the next few days were series of sector meetings and group instructions. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING was covered, from how to inform landlords of lease terminations, to closing down bank accounts and internet contracts, and how to successfully gather stool samples so we could prove we were parasite free when we went back to the USA. We were given an entire workshop on health insurance, and how to write a resume and cover letter. We were given extensive information on how to write resumes, cover letters and create our “elevator pitch.” One of the more interesting aspects of this conference was how to take advantage of applying for Federal jobs, as Peace Corps Volunteers get preference in the first year after service. I must say, I honestly never knew how vast the Federal Government was in terms of service providers before entering Peace Corps, and for me at least, it has been quite an education on what our tax dollars actually do, which I find impressive and gratifying.

For me, the most useful presentation was a panel discussion of RPCV’s, “Returned Peace Corps Volunteers.” Both our Country Director and Program Director in Albania are RPCV’s, we were joined by the Country Director of Kosovo, who is a RPCV from Cambodia, and one gentleman who is with USAID, he was a PCV from Albania and another who was a PCV from Macedonia. It was a lengthy discussion on what exactly to expect after service. I was most interested in the Kosovo Director, as she was 50 when she entered service. All the other panelists were fresh out of college when they served. All of the panelists talked about how difficult it was to transition back into “normal life.” Last year, when I attended the Close of Service celebrations for the previous class, then American Ambassador, who was also a Peace Corps Volunteer in West Africa after his college graduation, told the crowd that they needed to understand that life went on while volunteers were serving, that the country changes while we are away, and that friends and family after the first few days, are not interested in your Peace Corps stories. What struck me as I was listening to the panel, was how all of them continued on in foreign development and service of some kind after their Peace Corps. As someone who has traveled and lived out of the US on numerous occasions, I have told others that once you do this, you actually never feel “at home” anywhere, there are things about every place that you miss. It seems in many ways that Serving in Peace Corps ruins you forever in terms of being satisfied with living a normal life. I often wonder what I will miss about Albania, what I will consider “normal living,” I am about to learn that in 90 days.

Each one of the panelists reported, not being able to relate to their old friends and family when they returned. The Kosovo Director was quite blunt about it, in that she felt most of what people were concerned with in her American circles was just not that interesting, she flat out told friends and family that she did not care about their (fill in the blank with mundane experiences.) The people who were young when they served reported feeling anxious about finding work, and how couch surfing and mundane temp jobs were their first experiences until gainful employment could be achieved. All said they wished they could have eased into their re-entry with more time for decompressing and reflection. As someone who has been on a roller coaster for the last seven years of my life, I wondered if I would either not be phased by the insecurity or it would be REALLY depressing since I have been this way for years before entering Peace Corps. I felt more dedicated to my desire to walk the Camino after service as a result of listening to this panel. I also wondered if there was any sort of foreign job I could fit into as a nearly 60 year old woman, it seemed all of these sorts of jobs were career tracks one had to jump on in one’s 20’s.

We learned about health insurance, and how our medical check ups would ensue in the last months of service. I thought it was a really nice touch that we were eligible for three counseling appointments after returning to the States. For me this was a deep recognition that it will be VERY stressful, and that Peace Corps would support this transition. The support network for returning volunteers is actually quite vast, with conferences, communications, job assistance and so on. Again, I had no idea this all was available and the thought that there is an entire government agency ready to help out really impressed me.

Our Health Sector met for one last time to discuss achievements as well as suggestions for future volunteers. I personally have felt that the school based model is not a useful one, mainly because it is so limiting and the teachers do not want the “co-teaching” model, but it seems this sector focus is here to stay, and I am leaving, with a history of working successfully outside of the school setting. My stats (meaning teaching health lessons) are poor, but I have been quite effective in general through various other avenues.

Then it was time to officially say goodbye. Our Country Director gave an emotional speech expressing her gratitude for our service. Our group is the first one she had seen from beginning to end. We each received a personalized note from staff on what they enjoyed and admired about our service. The last part of the conference goodbye was put on by volunteers and was really fun. One presentation was an award ceremony for each volunteer “most likely to….” I was awarded with “most likely to stick needles into people.” Antonio was awarded “most likely to cook his way around the world.” After much laughter, we were treated to a game of Jeopardy Peace Corps  Albania A 20 edition. We played in six groups answering various subjects on Albanian history, language and volunteer information. My group was the lowest scoring until Double Jeopardy, where we rolled the dice, put up most of our points, and local Warden in the North, Minju Kim (also a Health Volunteer,) was able to accurately name all 12 regions in Albania, putting us over the top in terms of points. I found it amusing and upsetting that Antonio, my local Warden, forgot Berat in his list. (Wardens are safety and security contacts for all volunteers in their regions.) My group won the glory, as there was no other prize.

The conference ended on this note, of pure amusement and laughter, with hugs, pictures, gift giving, and staff frantically pulling down materials so they could leave and get back to Tirana before dark. It felt odd, the knowledge that group gatherings were now over, and that in essence, we were free to roam about the city and country for the next couple of days, before diving into all the duties we had to finish before leaving. My personal list was long; purging possessions, finishing projects, writing programs in addition to all the stuff that goes into closing down a life in a place where one has been living for the past two years. Preparing for the next stage is also quite time consuming, figuring out flights, filling out job applications, and scouring job sites is our new topic of conversation amongst volunteers as we are in this stage of service. 

The logistics of ending is a bit daunting. We have to notify landlords, close out bank accounts, terminate utilities and say goodbye to everyone we have been encountering these past years. I personally hate saying goodbye, and will work with Antonio to see if we can combine our efforts as for the most part he and I have worked with the same people, students and groups since we arrived. All the sectors went out for supper that night as a last gathering. Karen and I could barely keep awake in the hours leading up to the events. I put in an appearance until my eyes started to demand to stay shut, excusing myself to avoid collapsing in front of my colleagues. I was happy to have some quality time at supper with Derek, a fellow So Cal volunteer who informed me that Peace Corps Volunteers can apply for California Teaching credentials without having to go through all the education and hours to do so, hmmmmmm, something to consider actually, who knows what might come in handy in the years to come.

It was bitter sweet this gathering, I have reflected on how I was feeling and all of the events during Staging, training and my service. It seems really almost a lifetime ago that I stepped on that plane to Miami, terrified and enraged at American Airlines for their stealing my property and damaging my luggage. I knew then, I saw it as a sign,  and I was right, that the entire Peace Corps experience would be a roller coaster whirlwind, and I was not disappointed. All of the people who were complete strangers in the beginning, are now my new family. It is truly remarkable on many levels. We all share a truly unique experience that only we will ever be able to actually share with one another.

As I face my last few months in Berat, I have to , in spite of great planning to avoid this, really rush to get everything done before I leave. I wanted to enjoy my last few months, but now I will not really “enjoy” the time as I will be working my newly large butt off as the days are warmer. My resentment to the volunteers who made the extra work and rush happen, who blew up my site and created enmity amongst the community I depended on to get my projects done through petty gossip and the removal of my site mate, is something I just can not shake. I honestly hope I never encounter these women again. 

I made gift bags with notes and home made cookies for my sector, and also for those who would be leaving through the first two COS dates. The final chapter will be going through medical exams, signing papers and submitting forms as well as equipment. As I have said for many a posts, Peace Corps has this all down to a fine tuned machine through lots of practice and reflection. It may be jarring to get back to the real world where we all seem to be winging it all the time.  

I was quite nostalgic during the COS conference, and yet restless. Parts of me wish this could go on forever, and maybe then I could master this difficult language, and parts of me wants it all to be over with. I was fully exhausted and could barely stay awake in the evenings. While others went out partying, I wanted to be in bed. It seemed odd to want to hole up in my very nice hotel room and sleep, but that is really all I wanted to do, especially because of the nice bed, hot showers in shower stalls and indoor heating. Trying to warm these days is my main occupation, and the hotel made it easy.

 This entire experience has been a lot like graduate school in many ways. The responsibility and grind is so tedious, and yet the structure and camaraderie are experiences I am not so anxious to let go. It has been interesting to watch the younger volunteers grow up, which sounds so condescending, but  true. To witness the maturation of amazing young men and women, it really gives me great hope and peace for our collective future to know these individuals will be “in charge” some day. I have also enjoyed watching the older volunteers blossom, as they were able to take stock of their lives and challenge themselves after a life time of professional and family obligations. We old and young volunteers are in similar places, starting new phases of life our age requires. I hope to stay in contact with them, as our panel suggested, since it will be important to have that support as we re-integrate into society. 

I have never felt integrated anywhere, so I am curious how this will feel, this re-entry into adulthood. This may be my reluctance to go back to civilization. Now I have status and a community, and I will be re-entering a life of insignificant marginalization. I can not dwell on these feelings, as so much must be done in these remaining weeks. I must finish my gardens, get curriculum written, finish out my grant process, establish a fully functioning Slow Food Youth Network and Slow Food Community in Berat, fill out endless forms, write up my description of service document which will be part of the permanent record in the US Archives, create summer camps I will not be in charge of, do entire month of Women’s Health education, and of course, figure out how to get four separate stool specimens for my last medical clearance. All this will be done in the midst of purging possessions, applying for jobs and finishing my own writing projects. 

I know the time will fly by, and I am not sure exactly how I will feel about this, but for now, I am just praying that I can fit it all in, and not focus my anger on those who created this very unpleasant situation for which I tried very hard to prevent.